Before me sits a flower arrangement.

A mix of blues and pinks and pale browns set in a shallow white porcelain bowl. There are imitation lilies and roses and carnations and baby's breath. It is littered with small petunias and other tiny blossoms that I can't name. It's been there for years; a gift to my mother from her sister. At least that's the creation story I've always believed.

And as I sit here staring at it, things pop out at me that I hadn’t ever noticed before. Like that fact that it looks tired. The petals and leaves are all fake, but they've collected an inordinate amount of dust that refuses to be brushed from betwixt the ridges of their cloth like petals. The petals all droop and the stems have been bent to cover the holes my brother has made with his balls when they were thrown in the house. And peaking out from between some of the heads is a bow that has no real place there.

I sit here and stare at it, demanding inspiration from it, and I notice something odd about it. There is one flower, a pink rose blossom, that sticks up above the rest. I mean it sticks STRAIGHT up. And I wonder, why? Does it know something its fellows don’t? Or has it done something to be honored for? Or maybe it hasn't done anything at all and there within lies its irreproachableness.

Or maybe it's the only stem that has kept its shape since its arrangement. Maybe because its straight up and down the dust collects in the bowl formed by its petals and the flower is push downwards and not off to the side like its fellows.

Maybe it's nothing at all and you can just disregard the preceding. After all, this has just been the ramblings of a girl who has no desire to finish her English homework.

Currently Reading Weaveworld By Clive Barker see related

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Currently Listening Decemberunderground By AFI Prelude 12/21 see related

Lay Me to Sleep

This is what I brought you, this you can keep

This is what I brought, you may forget me

I promise to depart, just promise one thing

KISS MY EYES AND LAY ME TO SLEEP

Currently Listening The Rising Tied By Fort Minor Cigarette see related

Conversation on Depression

"I lost all of my friends because of this [suppressing depression]. I almost lost my family."

"What do you want me to do? Say sorry and have it all magically disappear? I hate to be the one to shatter your imaginary world, but that's not how real life works. Nothing I say is going to make a difference, and in all honesty, I don’t really care.

"We're not friends. We don't talk in classes and we don't 'hang out' on the weekends. I'm not overly fond of you, and I'm not afraid to tell you that. If I have my way, I won't have to deal with you any more than necessary.

"But of course you are going to say: Sometimes in life there are going to be people you don't like and can't get along with and you are just going to have to learn how to deal with them. Like that's not the most over used line ever.

"Of course there are going to be people you hate; you like certain qualities in your friends, not everyone has those qualities because everyone is different. If you liked everyone it would really only be a few people that you liked and a lot of clones of those select people.

"I've learned how to deal with those people I dislike: I avoid them. If I don't have to see you or talk to you on a regular basis, my life is that much less stressful. If I never have to see you again, so much the better for both of us."

Currently Listening Cold Black Days By Atrocity see related

Offense